THE SELFISHNESS OF OTHERS – THE LACK OF GIVING

The joy of giving is something we all feel but in a relationship with a victim of child neglect mentioning giving to someone, giving a hand or doing a good deed is often taken the wrong way. Instead of praising and supporting the deed it bitterness is felt that you don’t give to them, this coming from the lack of being given to in their childhood. It’ll lead to a state that you and indeed no one ever gives anything to them even if you do, it can lead to heated arguments. Reasoning or quoting examples will not help. The closer the more hard felt the situation will be.

Look for statements like “you never do that for me” or “when’s the last time anyone ever helped me?”, maybe even being proud of the fact they don’t have to rely on anyone else and boast of everything they do. Not even asking for help and then being cutting that no one gives it.

The best thing to do though is to pre-empt this and don’t mention things given to others or deeds done for others. It’s tempting to try to point out all the things you do give them, but trying to work on a conscious level is likely to lead to confrontations. The thing is they are noticing on a subconscious level be satisfied with that and just notice that they say less and less that you never do anything for them or help them.

If you are the victim of child abuse this is a trait you are likely to possess. Listen to the self help recordings and try to notice when people do help you, pausing and letting it sink in.